There’s Nowhere to Go but Up

Day 1: Challenge Accepted

On the cold rainy morning of August 29^th, my two flatmates and I left our small humble apartment in the city to venture out to the beautiful Blue Mountains of New South Wales, Australia. We caught the train to Katoomba that morning, hiking gear in tow, along with other members of the Learning in Outdoor Education class. Two hours later we arrived at the station and ventured to the Blue Mountains via bus.

Before heading on the trail we broke up into small random groups composed of about 12 people. I once again ended up with the punny Wayne Cotton as my knowledgeable instructor and hiking guide. From there, my group and I slowly made our way along the trail, stopping frequently for a lesson in trees, birds, plants and waterfalls. One of the first waterfall’s we encountered looked like a deformed human face protruding from a cold hard slab of rock as water rushed down the contours of the stone.

The "face" rock

The farther we went into the mountains the more and more beautiful the trail became. Dark green plants and trees surrounded the trail on both sides, pushing wanderers along a path filled with fresh air and remnants of life. The day was peaceful and the weather was cool and lazy. And then the challenge fell upon us. Wayne stopped our hiking group at a cave with a small opening on the side of the pathway, a hole so small that it was almost invisible to the regular outside explorer mossing along. At this point, I was awaiting a long speech about life and a metaphor about the cave and our own lives. Instead, I was surprised with Wayne’s short but sweet statement. He said something along the lines of “It is your choice to crawl through the cave opening. What does it mean if you do it? It can mean nothing or it can mean anything. It is simply a challenge.” Being a dare devil at heart and one to never step down from a test, I thought, “Challenge Accepted.”

A couple students before me slowly crawled through the cave opening and popped out the end. I squeezed my way into the whole and felt the cool dirt brush against my rain jacket and pants. I used my elbows to crawl forward and my feet to push me ahead deeper into the narrow whole. As I got towards the end, the cave opening got narrower and narrower, my breathing increased in rapid succession and my heart pumped faster and faster. I felt as if I couldn't move another inch without squishing my whole body against the roof of the cave. With baby crawls and slow movements I finally made my way out of the opening of the cave into the sunlight (which had never felt so good). I was dirty but feeling fresh and alive.

Other students followed through the cave opening not long after, with others struggling as well. Some students stopped mid-way in and proclaimed they couldn't go further and thought about climbing back out the entrance. The team at the other end, including myself, shot out encouragement and positive words to help egg on the others to keep moving forward and not look back. That day, every single member of my group took on the challenge and made it through in one piece.

A member of our hiking group coming out of the cave's narrow opening happy and alive

So, what did horizontal climbing through an old narrow cave opening filled with dirt and spiders mean? To some it meant they simply did it, to others it meant they overcame their fear of claustrophobia, to me, it meant so much more. 

In my own life I have faced challenges, struggled to get through them and have succeeded against all odds. Some people view me as an overachiever while others view me as being “naturally smart.” The truth is, I am neither. Just like the cave crawl, I accept challenges to learn and to grow. I know what I can accomplish and will not settle for less than what I believe I can achieve. Just like the narrow portion of the cave, there will always be struggles. People telling me I can’t reach my goal and that it’s impossible. Funny enough, I am usually my worst critic. When things get tough or a challenge becomes harder, I emotionally beat myself up. I tell myself a girl from a small country town couldn't possibly compete and make it out on top. She has no advantage, she didn't attend a high achieving school, she doesn't come from a family of fortune, and she is and always has been self-supporting. 

But then I see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Just like the cave crawl, I stop, look around, and slowly move forward. I shrug off my own criticism and replace them with positive thoughts. Thoughts of how far I have come in my life and the long list of goals I have yet to accomplish, goals that I WILL accomplish. As I crawl, I realize I have every advantage in the world. Because what I have is something that can never be broken, I have heart and an abnormal determination. A passion so bright that it couldn't burn out even if someone tried to force it to. And just like that, I leave my dark cave of self-criticism and accomplish the greatest challenge of all. That is, overcoming the only person that could ever stop me, myself.

After the cave adventure, we made our way along the trail onto the ledge of a cliff. Long and behold, the Three Sisters sat in eyesight, radiating its beauty to every beholder.

The Three Sisters

Later in the day, during the last portion of the hike, we stopped for a breather before climbing up along the stairs to Echo Point.

A photo collage of a couple students and myself journeying up the Giant Stairway to Echo Point.

The trek up the stairs was long and hard. Despite the massive staircase, my hiking mates and I laughed and joked around. We even sang along with Niko to “Baby Got Back.” Although my calves were tight and my breaths were short, I was totally immersed in the beautiful scenery of the Blue Mountains during the climb. With every step up, the view became richer and fuller while my pain seemed to roll away into oblivion.

One step led to another and then to another until finally:

A panorama view of the Blue Mountains

Perfection.

Our hiking group selfie at Echo Point

Day 2: Beauty is Subjective

6:45 A.M.

Could my alarm be any louder?

The day started out rainy and dreary as my four cabin mates and I left to join the others at the bus. We arrived at a random lookout point in the Blue Mountains where the fog seemed to cover the trees like a thick spread of peanut butter.

Ellie, Cristal and I dressed up in our rain jackets and ready for the fog that filled the valley

We received the privilege to choose our own hiking instructor. I took one look at Ian and darted over to his side. Ever since I joined the class I wanted to experience Ian’s method of teaching outside of lecture and in nature, so you could say I was beyond excited to start out the day with my mates (Cristal, Ellie, Sarah) by my side. We started out by venturing down the cliff into the valley, stopping frequently to learn about the different kinds of wildlife and trees.

My hiking group and I striking our silly pose with the "paint" of a turpentine tree marked on our faces

As we slowly made our way down, I felt as if I was deep into the Amazon forest with nothing but a God like presence behind and before me.

The thick green trees and plants were rich with life

A picture of me crossing a stream

During the hike down, Ian stopped us in front of a cave opening that plunged down vertically into darkness. Ian and Juan (aka “Juicy Juan”) hoped down into the opening to help students make their way down. While some students were scared of the challenge, I once again felt excited and daring. My mentality: “Challenge Accepted.” After making our way through the cave and out into the open, the plan was for the group to wait outside the opening until everyone had made it through. Unfortunately, this was not the case. As I made it out of the cave I noticed everyone scattered around in different directions. As such, I made my way down a path to enjoy a small waterfall with a couple others as we waited for the other students to make it through the cave. After listening to nature’s music, I followed the track up and told Ellie and Cristal about the lovely falls.

After a little while, everyone made it through safe and sound. The group commenced in line formation on the trail and a routine head count was called by the leader. We made our way downhill for about an hour until making our way into the valley where the river bed was housed. We stopped for lunch along the river with two other hiking groups to replenish our energy and rest.

During lunch, Juicy Juan and I discussed some good places in Sydney to go dancing at and he told me he liked to salsa. Being that I love to dance but have never salsaed before, I asked Juicy to teach me how to salsa in front of my peers, instructors and mother nature herself.

The other hiking groups soon left and continued their journey as we settled in and ate our lunch. Suddenly, Sarah asked where Ellie and Cristal were. We looked around nervously at each other and realized we had broken one of the cardinal rules: Never leave a mate behind. Ian and Juan scurried back up the cliff as the rest of us waited by the river. At that moment, I had realized what happened. I told Ellie and Cristal about the waterfall but failed to check if they had rejoined the group. I couldn’t have felt guiltier. Here I was salsa dancing and having the time of my life as Cristal and Ellie were lost and afraid. I had a quick look through my pictures and found a selfie of Ellie that she must have taken on my phone. I looked at it and thought… this may be the last time I ever see her beautiful face.

My friend took this beautiful selfie on my phone. The last image I would have had of her.

Fortunately, 20 minutes later, Ian and Juan had returned to the group with my two friends by their side. Oh did they have a story to tell. But I’ll let them tell it through their blogs.

From that experience I learned more than I was expecting. I learned how crucial communication is, especially during unfamiliar trips in the outdoors when being lost can be dangerous and life threatening. Teamwork is more than the art of working together; it is the linkage of emotions and consciousness thoughts about others. Lastly, I realized how much these two ladies have come to mean to me and the positive impact their friendship has had on my life.

The journey continued and it couldn't have been more beautiful. While the scenery along the river bed was breathtaking, the connection I formed with Cristal was just as amazing. During the trail Cristal and I spoke about subjects we hadn't explored together but had thought separately about. We talked about growing old and the importance of gaining wisdom and strength through the natural world. Our topics spanned from our goals in life, to how nature impacts our feelings, to death and to the meaning of life.

One with nature

After making our way through the valley, we entered the last stage of our hike: The difficult and physically draining uphill track. We started along hiking full speed ahead and gradually slowed down.

At this point, I felt exhausted. My calves burned with every stride and the steps kept multiplying without giving any lee way. The trees and moss no longer seemed to have their magnificent glow as I stopped enjoying nature’s splendid glory. I started questioning my choice of joining the class as negative thoughts crept into my mind about my own physique compared to others in the class that were more physically fit.

Suddenly, I stopped.

I took a minute to re-orientate my thoughts. Took a deep breath, and gazed at the spectacular world that surrounded me.

Like with any challenge, comes a choice. A choice to continue onward and grow or a choice to stay stagnate.

I chose growth.

“There’s nowhere to go but up” I thought.“There’s nowhere to go but up.”

The tall and glorious waterfall to the left and me hiking along the cliff towards the right with the waterfall in the background

Day 3: I Am

The last day of the hike proved to be one of the most remarkable in terms of scenery and self-discovery. Before going on the hike, Ian led the group in some stretches to soften up those stiff muscles from the day before.

I chose Ian’s group once more before starting the hike. As we made our way down the path, Ian tested our knowledge from the weekend by having us recall certain trees and animals we had learned about from the previous two days. I instantly thought of the lyrebird, an Australian native bird that mimics other birds and sounds.

The morning was peaceful and slow, a perfect way to start of a day basked in nature’s serenity.

We enjoyed each other’s company and the bountiful amounts of waterfalls that accompanied the path.

A couple different waterfalls along the path

Later on in the day, we stopped for lunch at a large towering waterfall. The same waterfall we would be climbing up and over. 

During the hike up to the cliff base, I felt every part of my body as my legs stung and my heart raced. I felt satisfied knowing that I was exerting myself and pushing my body beyond its normal stopping point.

At the cliff base, there were some gnarley stairs in cages that made me feel secure as we made the vertical hike up along the mountain’s edge.

My friend Jessica and I in the "cage" along the mountain's cliff 

This uphill fight against gravity turned into one of the most powerful experiences I have encountered in nature thus far. I felt limitless yet heavy as my body stood suspended on the mountain’s edge as my thoughts floated effortlessly across the clear blue sky. As I grasped the rock and man-made structure all I could think about was the perfect combination of human connection and natural world bestowed upon our human race. As is so, contemporary society is slowly destroying both.

I felt so free, free to laugh, free to smile and free to just live. How could it be that I felt so close with nature yet so fearful of her ability to take my life away in an instant? That’s when I realized what is truly beautiful and worth fighting for. It’s moments like this, where living is not living unless you are feeling. Feeling every breath you take, the cool breeze on your skin and the sweat on your forehead. It’s being one with the natural world and appreciating its wonders and splendor that we can only remotely understand.

From then on I realized why the Blue Mountains would forever change me and my perspective on the world. I finally understood why life has a meaning and why writing will always be my purpose. An answer I could only find through self-reflection and the exertion of body and soul in the divinity of the natural world.

I am.

A picture of me soaking in earth's beauty. Feeling peaceful simply in "being."

Author’s Note:

As part of the class, it was required to write about my experiences using a blog as a tool to communicate my self-reflection. I enjoyed using this medium and have taken it a step further by creating other blogs of my own. Combining my photos, video and writing gave me the opportunity to think deeply and understand myself through Learning in Outdoor Education. For this kind of learning I believe an essay or a “turn in” assignment wouldn't have done the program justice and would have stifled the learning experience. Through blogging, I have felt that I can be intimate with my thoughts and freely profess them as I would in a journal. It has given me the space to not only share my feelings, but to reflect on them and the impact of nature on my livelihood. I would like to recommend this tool for anyone who enjoys nature and would like to deeply explore the impact it has on their character and thoughts.

While I do believe in the positive power of the blog (since writing in any form is seductive), there are some cons. The experiences one feels in nature and the pictures and videos posted can only go so far. Anyone can view them but not everyone can understand the meaning. Sometimes the experiences you receive are just that, experiences; an experience that can only be felt while doing and in the moment. I fear that some will use this tool to live out their own so called “experience” through the eyes of blog writers and will be deterred from going out and seeing these sights first hand. I can only hope that people will not only read my blog, but will be inspired to shut down the lap top, live and explore.